Friday, April 4, 2014

Six Trends for Spring 2014 That Make me Say.....No Way, Jose!

This image was in my in-box the other day, from Vince.com. I have a few pieces from Vince, a tee shirt and a couple of wonderful turtlenecks which drape in all the right places and are just the right length for skinny jeans. But I am definitely going to take a pass on the siren call of the jumpsuit. "Shop now" ... no way Jose!  Maybe then, but not now ... and not ever again!


This beautiful brown silk jumpsuit looks lovely on the model. And maybe if I had a waist, and could actually wear that neckline I might, just might, try it.

But then I think again. Nah. I remember too well my acquaintance with jumpsuits in the 70's. I had one in 1976. It was kind of vermilion in colour and it snapped all the way from crotch to collar and had a bit of elastic in the back and a self belt. I remember that I bought it when I received an advance from the Canadian Armed Forces; I had been accepted into their Regular Officer Training Program for students in civilian universities. Oh yes, moi...carrying a rifle and wearing green every day. The horror! Not to cast aspersions on the good ladies and gentlemen in the Forces, but it just wasn't for me. If you knew me then and you're reading this now, I can hear you laughing and agreeing! 

But back to the jumpsuit. It looked lovely and I wore it with a pretty, striped turtleneck underneath. Very 70's cool. 

The problem came when I was out for the evening. And had stood in a line up for 20 minutes to get into the washroom and 30 other women were waiting impatiently while I occupied one of three stalls. They crossed their legs and muttered and I ... well, I was inside fumbling with snaps and belts and trying not to let the entire thing slide onto the not too clean floor and hold the broken door shut at the same time. Premises which students frequented being notoriously short on bathrooms and long on needed repairs! Oh yes, jumpsuits looked good...but they were a major pain to get off...and on, I might add.

So, no thank you Vince. I'll pass on this trend. This time.



And there are a few other trendy items that I will steer clear of this spring. 

Namely Trend #2  The full legged pant with drawstring waist. They are great on someone who has a narrow waist and womanly hips. But for someone with skinny legs, narrow hips and no waist to speak of...they do not accentuate the positive! Plus they are always too baggy in the rear. I admit, I had a pair in the 90's and they weren't very flattering then. I can't imagine how they would look on me now. Well, actually, I can imagine...which is why I WON"T be trying them on this year. Too depressing...like bathing suit shopping. 

Vince.com



Trend #3. Drawstring shorts. Not going there either; for reasons, see above. Actually I used to have a pair like this when I was running. Nope... never again.

Vince.com



And Trend #4. The long dress. This look is great for many. But in my opinion you need a narrow waist and no discernible bulging for it to look good. Even in my 20's and 30's I couldn't pull off this look. I remember in the 90's when long narrow skirts and dresses were popular, a friend said ..."Oh those would look great on you. You're so tall and slim." And I thought ... well, maybe. But even back then when I was slimmer and 125 lbs, I always had a midsection that was the same size as my hips. And the tubular look just made me look...well... like I was expecting a tiny bundle. 

And if I couldn't do it then.... I sure will NOT be able to manage it now!

Vince.com



Trend #5 The dreaded crop top!

Oh yeah,  here's a look that I think most women should give a miss. Strike that comment... and make it all females ... over the age of 10. Actually I had a crop top once, and it looked really cute. It was pink with white, eyelet lace trim and had a matching pair of shorts...and I was 8 years old!

And it's not the top per se that is the problem. It's the gap between top and bottom. Seriously, where are Stacey and Clinton when we need them?  They used to refer to the gap phenomenon as a "flesh belt." Yuk! Gee, I miss What Not To Wear.

And a crop top with eyes in two strategic spots? Words escape me. I truly wish you could have seen the look on my face when I first eye-balled this picture. Pun intended.



Photo by Peter Jensen  fashionmagazine.com



And last. Trend #6. Sigh. I can't believe these are making a come back. Culottes.

Nicole Culottes from independentboutique.com

I remember a season or two ago when I first saw these in stores. I was browsing at Holt Renfrew with my friend Liz who is the personal shopper there. 

As we rounded a corner in the store, I gasped and pointed... "Gaucho pants?!" I choked out. "I know, I know," Liz said. And we both almost fell over laughing. 

Gaucho pants are what we called culottes in the 70's....back when both Liz and I were in our late teens and early 20's and we were slaves to fashion trends. Wasn't everyone? 

Oh, my... we had such a time that afternoon remembering those gaucho pants and peasant blouses and  Fry boots. Now there was a look. And then we looked at each other and murmured...."NEVER AGAIN!"

This is not to say that there aren't lots of great spring 2014 looks out there that are elegant, flattering, and easy to wear.  And good for women like me who want to be a bit edgy, but also not look like they are trying too hard.

And for those of us who definitely do not want to return to the fashion faux pas of their youth!





Do you have any fashion no go areas this spring?  Any looks to which YOU say..."No way, Jose!"





10 comments:

  1. Oh yeah, I did the jumpsuit thing back in the 80's. Mine was denim and had padded shoutlders. You can stop laughing now. Yes, it was the bathroom that killed the allure. And drawstring anything on me...no. The eyeball boobs are, um...unfortunate.

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  2. Oh yes..."um...unfortunate" is exactly right. haha
    As former high school teacher I am glad not have to witness the return of the pop top in the classroom. Too many girls these days think it's appropriate to wear "club wear" to school. It was a never ending battle and one that had to be handled with much tact.
    Thanks for reading.

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  3. I actually really liked the jumpsuit at the time and sewed myself a few of them. Really easy to get dressed and out the door looking not too shabby when I had small kids, although, yes, would have been better with either a trapdoor or an instant-release button. I have to admit I might be tempted to try on the right one, even now.
    I have to also admit to a fondness for the gaucho or culotte, although I'm not sure I'd go there again -- but I do like a sarouel-type pant, and I had a linen wide-legged midi culotte that I just loved but have had to give away due to weight loss. Drawstring pants, shorts, and crop tops, though. Complete agreement -- a definite no!

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  4. It's so dependent on one's body proportions, isn't it? I have a very short upper body and long,skinny legs (or high hips as my husband says.) And if I put on weight it always goes north. So wrong for jumpsuits...and wide legged pants.
    BTW those white pants in your recent post looked fab! I do love white jeans!

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  5. I love drawstring shorts! That draped brown jumper looks very nice on the model, but I know it wouldn't on me. I love that deep chocolate brown color.

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  6. Me too...love the chocolate brown colour, I mean. If I could find a blouse like that ....hmmmmm.

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  7. You are so right about most of these clothes. But I do love the wide legged drawstring pants on a hot summer day. Just put on a top that is somewhat smaller and it seems to be okay (if you squint and don't stand directly in front of the mirror.) :)

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  8. I'm with you Barbara, about the squinting, anyway!

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  9. Well, jump suits for sure, hot pants...go go boots. Model look great in anything, just not fair. From your newest google+ follower.

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  10. Hi Linda. Thanks for reading....and following!

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All comments, ideas, commiserations, questions, complaints... are most welcome.